This Was Not Written by Ghost Writer
Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
If you’ll recall, Ghost Writer was a pedophilic ghost who would help middle school kids solve mysteries in a twisted game of hangman by revealing only certain words or letters and making the kids guess who the deviant was. You can basically think of Ghost Writer as the live action version of Scooby Doo, where the ghost would be Scooby Doo, except replace “stoner” with “pedifiliac”. P>
You might have assumed that a ghost did not actually write this because I’m not in middle school, and therefore Ghost Writer wouldn’t waste his time with me, but what you may not have guessed is that I have a team of real live writers dedicated to making me look good through the written word. P>
I fired them. P>
Really, it was about hygiene, keeping a room full of monkeys with typewriters is downright disgusting. Too often they would start arguing over the phrasing of a particular sentence and before you know it the feces flinging would begin. I was spending half of my ad revenue on bleach and toothbrushes (don’t ask). I figure that while my writing may be less entertaining now and therefore garner less income for me, the drop won’t be 50% and I’ll still be ahead of my monkey-poo depleted net income. P>
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This is going to sound wrong, but bear with me. I often wonder what it would be like to be the most attractive girl in a room. What I mean by that is to be actively pursued by all of the eligible people in the room, and I specified attractive girl because if I was the most attractive guy in the room, well, girls typically don’t approach guys in the same way that a guy will approach an attractive girl. Also, you could go up to ten different girls and they would all give you a different definition of what a hot guy looks like (among the layman, anyway), unless it is someone universally hot like Brad Pitt. But, if you go up to 10 guys and ask what a hot girl looks like, they will all give you almost the same exact description, and the best part is, that description is not of some supermodel or Hollywood actress, it could be the porn star that’s in the room with you right now.
Not surprisingly, I was tired all day Friday from
I feel as if this post is going to be the staple post for this blog. I am somewhat intoxicated - forgive me for typos and incoherent sentences /paragraphs /thoughts /ideas /words /etc. (apparently sober enough to drive home 30 miles, though), talking about an event that involved alcohol, and also lesbians. I don’t think I have had a more definitive post yet.