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In a freak occurrence 27 years ago, I was born on the floor of the US Senate. This makes me the most American person since George Washington. As I child, I excelled at everything. I won the NFL Punt, Pass & Kick competition for the 15-16 year-old division three years in a row… starting at age 10. By age 15, I had 2 bachelors degrees… one from Harvard and one from Yale. It was pretty hard to fit in, what with my modeling schedule in Italy, but I made it work. By 17 I had my master’s degree from MIT and by 19 I earned my law degree from UVa.
I then joined the ranks of CTU, the elite counter terrorist unit and worked directly with super-agent Jack Bauer. I got a little burned out after the long days, plus I had saved America 90 times in my first year, so I decided to leave CTU and pursue my fortune. I started a dotcom you may have heard of. It’s popular for its search engine and I named it after my favorite number because it’s even higher than a trillion. I started playing the stock market, and once I made my first google, at age 23, I retired. I thought about buying my own NFL franchise, but Jerry just wasn’t willing to sell. Probably for the best; I just would have moved them to Virginia anyway.Retired life wasn’t as easy as I had thought. It seemed like the paparazzi was always after me and my super-hot celebrity girlfriends. That’s when I decided to sail the world in my 120 foot sailboat, using former playmates I had trained personally as crew.
When I’m not dreaming of crazy scenarios like that, I work at a low-paying, but highly rewarding government job that sends me to lots of interesting places where I get to meet lots of colorful people. Still, I can’t think of a better job for me. When I’m not working, drinking, or playing sports, I like to post here about things that no one really cares about but me and my friends.