Oh, Vegas - Day 2
One interesting fact about Oh, Vegas, is that you’re always hungover. It’s not a great feeling, but it kind of goes with the territory. The key, then, is to overcome the hangover. There are numerous ways to do this; the most common is to continue drinking. On Saturday morning we did a combination move to get rid of our headaches. We went to the pool, drank some, and passed out.
Well, some of us passed out, and others didn’t drink, but collectively, we drank and passed out. It’s been my experience that the only sin in Sin City is to sleep at night. Sleeping during the day is fine, that’s the cheapest way to pass the time until you can go out the next night, but if you go to sleep before 5am your friends are going to laugh at you.
The pool at Caesar’s was beautiful. They had a nice Roman theme, which fits with the theme of the entire casino. I stayed at the pool for a long time, most of the day, actually. Eventually, after eating, I went back to the room to nap before doing anything for the evening. One of the problems with Vegas is that you never really catch up on sleep. If you’re not doing anything you’re tired, so you constantly have to be in a state of action or else you crash. And having not done anything that day, I crashed.
The boys wanted to go to dinner and a strip club that night. I was still in my nap mode and I don’t particularly like strip clubs. That coupled with the fact that my money supply was way short made me want to stay asleep, so I did just that, I went back to sleep. I figured I would rest up for our night at Pure; I had a great time there last time I was in Vegas.
Since everybody left without me, I went on a search for reasonably priced food, and I was ecstatic when I found a Chipotle with the same prices they have on the east coast. Interestingly, they didn’t have a liquor license, which every other Chipotle I’ve been to has had. You would think of any Chipotle in the nation, the one in Vegas would have a liquor license.
I got my food and a coke, hoping the caffeine would wake me up some, it didn’t. I got a call from the group, apparently they didn’t actually go to the strip club so I headed back to the room, Ahab met up with us and we pregamed a little before heading out to Pure. It was about 10PM when we headed out, which is extremely early to go out in Vegas, especially considering that the place doesn’t really ever close down.
However, getting there as early as we did, there was still a line to get in; three lines, actually: general admission, girls, and “VIP.” Obviously the girls line went the fastest as it was literally only inhabited by girls. No guys allowed in that line at all, not even gay friends. Then of course there was the general admission line where people that weren’t really sure what to do that night stand. I’m not sure if they ever get in, actually. And finally the “VIP” line, which is required to be put in quotes because it simply means that you’re on the guest list. Actually getting into the club isn’t easy even if you are. We stood in that line, which was really more of a large gathering of people than a line, for an hour before we were finally admitted. Granted, for being on the VIP list we didn’t have to pay the $30 cover, but it was still a pain getting in. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that there were 7 guys and 1 girl in our group.
We finally got into Pure and the place was packed. There was a line at the bar even for the $8 beers. It reminded me of the scene in 40 Year Old Virgin when Steve Carrel’s character commented on how packed the bar was, and Paul Rudd’s character said that it’s because it was $9 beer night. Unfortunately, unlike the movie, I was not able to get some waste case girl to drive me home. That would have been amazing.
When we first got in we went upstairs onto the patio which has a great view of the strip. Like I mentioned, the bar was uncomfortably packed. It took a long time to get our drinks, which is kind of depressing – waiting in line to pay $8 plus tip for a drink. When we had all finally gotten our drinks we did the stand-in-a-circle-and-talk-awkwardly-because-you’re-not-drunk-enough-or-loose-enough-to-do-anything-else move. Just as an aside, did you know there is a contest to find out who can use the biggest hyphenated word? That’s a lie, but if there was such a contest, that would be my entry.
So we were in our circle and Doug noticed a rather large group of Persians nearby. Doug warned Edith that she should move to another part of the circle, lest she be abducted by the Persians. She didn’t head Doug’s warning, and before long one of the Persian’s literally stole her away. Edith came back five minutes later with a look on her face that said “what just happened to me?” Doug retorted with a simple “I told you so” glance and we were off to the races.
We all got a little action at Pure that night. Mine was a little more tepid than I would have liked, but even an ass to the crotch on the dance floor is better than nothing. My story was one of a girl who dropped it like it was hot, and the American Gladiator that was sworn to protect her.
I was standing near the bar, leaning against a railing that separated the bar area from the lounge area. I assume that you had to pay for a table to get into the lounge area, despite the obvious lack of tables. I only say that it was probably a pay area because there were girls hardcore making out there and it’s been my colloquial experience that girls that chase money (i.e., guys that buy tables) are willing to make out with other girls.
But my story takes place on the bar side of the railing and unfortunately does not involve any of the girls making out. I was standing with my friends and I looked over and I saw these two people dancing. I didn’t get a good look at the girl so I assumed that she was a Vegas 3 (for scale, that’s about an east coast 5). The guy was big. I can’t say how big he was for sure, but he was big enough so that I wouldn’t want to mess with him, even with my friends right around me.
Anyway, I looked over and saw them dancing. He was just standing there, and she was basically using him as a stripper pole. Well, using him as a stripper pole in the sense that her ass was covered in stripper pole cleaner and it was her job to make sure that was the cleanest damn stripper pole west of the Mississippi.
I reflected on what I saw for a moment. It was basically foreplay, as all dancing (from a guy’s perspective) is. However, in normal dancing situations, a guy has to exert some effort. In this situation, however, he was literally just standing there. He didn’t even attempt to dance. I can’t blame him; I’m not sure how a guy would dance with a girl doing moves like that. After I processed this information, I looked up at him to check if I could see if there was anything special that would make him the rightful recipient of a sweet deal like that. However, he saw me looking over and we made eye contact. I gave him an approving head nod and then went about my business of ogling other girls in the vicinity.
The girls I was currently ogling happened to be ogling Keith, of all people. These girls were a Vegas 4, but only because they were wearing those loose V-neck shirts where the V goes all the way to the pants and if the girls even so much as casually lean over the bar their boobs will pop out. Call me old fashioned, but when I see two pseudo-attractive girls hitting on my engaged, balding friend, I think “prostitute.” Keith claimed they just liked cops, I think that helps my case even more.
Eventually one of the girls eased off of Keith, leaving the alpha female to have Keith to herself. Keith didn’t do anything inappropriate, which is probably good; his fiancé should be proud because it would have been extremely easy for him to go home with this girl. However, the girl was definitely doing inappropriate things to Keith. Actually, I suppose I should put that in perspective. It would be inappropriate for a coffee shop on the east coast, but it’s a standard affair in clubs in Vegas. We’ll just say that her hands made some laps around Keith’s thigh and leave it at that.
As I was watching this all unfold I felt somebody bump into me, but not just a casual “excuse me, I’m walking by and it’s crowded and I accidentally bumped into you” bump. No, this was an “excuse me, I just saw you staring at my girl and I just bumped into you to get your attention because I’m a big guy and I’d feel bad if I knocked you out while you weren’t even looking” type of bump.
I turned around to meet my maker and to my surprise it was the stripper pole cleaner and not her large friend. Apparently I was a very dirty stripper pole and she deemed in necessary to clean me- with her ass. I was surprised that such a (relatively) petite girl was able to bump into me with such great force. She actually made me take a few steps to avoid falling.
I was very hesitant to “dance” with her because I knew that her brooding boyfriend was close by. However, I’m not about to run away if a girl starts rubbing her ass in my crotch, so it was an awkward mix of enjoyment and panic that caused me to stand there not quite like a stripper pole, but more like a young sapling swaying to and fro in the wind, not quite sure what to do.
Then the hulking menace came over. Doug saw this happen and walked over, he had my back. The guy whispered something in my ear and Doug was sure that shit was about to go down. With as dirty a fighter as Doug is, I’m pretty sure the two of us could have taken this guy on, but it wasn’t just the two of us, there was also 5 other guys in our group. The one advantage of rolling out with a ton of cock is that you’re good if shit goes down.
What the guy said to me, however, was, “You really go flying when she hits you with that ass.” I laughed, because I thought it was a joke. I still think it is a joke, if only because he didn’t try to fight me. I guess that eye contact and head-nod created more of a bond than I thought between us. Also, I can’t be sure, but I think he sent the girl over to dance with me, because after about 5 minutes of her polishing my pole (in the “I’m on the dance floor” type of way) she went back to dancing with the incredible hulk.
Throughout this entire ordeal Ahab was away with Edith who was celebrating her birthday that evening. Ahab wanted to give her an extra special present made famous by SNL and Justin Timberlake. Unfortunately for both of them, Ahab had a friend who had one of those nifty tables and gave out alcohol like he was a promoter for Bacardi. That is to say, Edith got sick, as would be expected on your birthday. In fact, Doug had to take her home.
I left the club at around 5AM. I got about 2 hours of sleep before I was overtaken with a whir of activity.
Other posts by Justin
October 23rd, 2007 at 12:54 pm
[…] Vegas day 3 started off with a bang. I had stumbled back to my place at around 5 AM and I passed out almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. The next two hours were the most glorious two hours of my life, because after those two hours, I was awakened. Not in the normal way one would expect to be awakened, though, no, in Vegas everything is done up, and having people wake you up is no exception. […]