Do You Know LEX?
Coincidences. Some people claim that there is no such thing as a coincidence, that everything happens for a reason as part of a larger, master plan, which was obviously designed in an intelligent manner. All I know is what happened to me was weird and there is a word that covers it, so I’m just going to stick with Webster on this one and say that coincidences do happen. If they didn’t, there wouldn’t be a word for it.
Don’t worry, this won’t be a post about semantics, but about an actual, freaking weird, coincidence that happened to me. You may remember that I dated a lesbian. It was a somewhat awkward relationship, awkward for her because she was a lesbian and I was not a woman, and awkward for me because she was a lesbian, and I was still not a woman. That was my junior year of high school, fast forward 6 years to present day, minus 2 months.
My good Office Friend informs me that she is interviewing some new girl that will be helping her out a lot. The first question out of my mouth, of course, is, “Is she hot?” Unfortunately Office Friend hadn’t actually had the interview yet and all she knew about her was her name and the school she went to. Her last name is probably the most common last name in the entire country, so I figured my chances of actually finding her would be slim to none.
As it turns out, I found her on facebook quite easily. Eerily easily, actually. It kind of makes me glad that I’m not a hot girl; otherwise it would be very easy for people to stalk me on facebook. Although, if I was a hot girl, I would probably like things like that, I would also probably never come out of my room because I’d be too enamored with my boobs - what can I say, guys are easily amused. Although, if I was a hot girl, maybe I wouldn’t be so easily amused… but I digress, these are the questions for great philosophers to answer, not Your Humble Narrator.
Like I said, I found her picture, but all I could see was the thumbnail and that doesn’t do stalkers any good. I continued to pump my Office Friend for information on this girl. Unfortunately, as she explained to me that she was not psychic, and I would just have to wait until the interview actually happened before she would know anything else. I slightly doubted her lack of psychic ability, but since I couldn’t prove that she was psychic (I think she kept guessing wrong on purpose) I had to believe her.
When the day for the interview came, I had completely forgotten about it (it’s not like I was doing the interview). My Office Friend had to remind me about it, which was probably a mistake for her. I managed to haunt her dreams with the questions that I asked, making up for the period where I gave up questioning her because she claimed she wasn’t psychic. I got the standard type of responses, pretty uninteresting things, I had my own set of questions that I wanted answered, but these types of questions you can’t ever ask directly (e.g., “You went to an all lesbian school, err, all girls school, are you a lesbian?”), especially in an interview.
New Girl got the job and when Office Friend told me that she couldn’t go to lunch with me because she was taking New Girl out to “buddy lunch” I suddenly remembered that I had a lot of unanswered questions. I offered to come along to make things less awkward for the two, and also have the company pay for my lunch, but Office Friend declined, something about her not wanting me to traumatize New Girl on her first day.
Shortly thereafter I forgot that New Girl was even working. I still hadn’t seen her yet. I have the memory of a 3 month old baby (who does not have object permanence (i.e., when you play peek-a-boo, they really think you disappear and reappear)). To combat this, I had meticulously written out a list of questions which I would thrust upon New Girl given the first opportunity. This list was also to serve as a reminder that soon there would be a new girl working here. Unfortunately, that list was hidden under a stack of papers on my desk, lost forever, so it was to my great amazement that Office Friend invited New Girl to come out to lunch with us.
Not being able to find my list of questions, I would have to wing my interview of New Girl. Additionally, I also forgot my dossier on New Girl, so I didn’t even have the basic facts gathered from the thumbnail of her picture on facebook, namely that she went to a certain all girl school in Virginia. It wasn’t so bad that I didn’t have that information since that is usually one of the first things out in a “nice to meet you” conversation. And of course her alma mater came up in conversation. When she said the name of the school, it sounded eerily familiar. I asked if it was an all girl school. She said it was. I told her my Lesbian Ex-Girlfriend went there. She said she knew a lot of lesbians. I asked her if she was a lesbian. She slapped me. I asked her if she knew my Lesbian Ex-Girlfriend. She told me to tell her LEX’s name. I told her LEX’s name. She said it didn’t ring a bell.
After all, what would be the chances that this girl would know my Lesbian Ex-Girlfriend? It would truly be a small world if that was the case. However, at that moment I remembered that LEX had changed names in college (at least, that’s what facebook told me), so I threw that new name out there, and to my amazement (but I’m sure not yours, by now) she did in fact know LEX. I asked New Girl if she was sure that she wasn’t a lesbian, and this time instead of slapping me she winked at me. That’s a lie.
Not only did she know LEX, but she also had some dirty lesbian drama secrets about her. New girl then laid out some intricate story of love and betrayal, deceit and affection, and lying and scissoring, but I was too busy thinking about that wink, which I obviously made up, to actually listen to the story, and it was quickly lost on me.
Lunch was pretty mundane other than that. New Girl and I also had lunch the next day, and shortly thereafter she invited me to a baseball game, which is not an analogy for sex, but an actual baseball game, although that is a story in and of itself.
Other posts by Justin
June 26th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Come up with better aliases for girls. Every time you meet a new female you refer to her as “New hot friend” or “New girl” and it gets confusing. Nicknames, JCase!
June 27th, 2007 at 8:54 am
[…] Recently, I was reminded why it’s a bad idea to bet when you’re wasted. If you’ll recall, New Girl recently told me that she knew my Lesbian Ex-Girlfriend - quite a coincidence. I said in that post that she invited me to a baseball game (the literal type), but that’s not exactly true. As it turns out, New Girl had plans to go to the game with her roommate, but the roommate bailed for undisclosed reasons. […]