The Drunken Blog

I’m not a huge gambler, I realize that gambling makes people lose money more often than not, and I don’t exactly have excess amounts of money to lose (although, when I do gamble, I write the money off as “entertainment value”). It is for this reason especially that I don’t drink when I gamble. I’m afraid that I will become too aggressive and hit when I should fold, or keep playing even after I’ve lost my car (luckily, I don’t own a house to lose). It is for this reason that casinos in Vegas will feed you free alcohol while you are playing on the floor (I’ve heard they are actually working on administering it intravenously). They want to get you good and liquored up so you lose money. After all, they wouldn’t give away those drinks unless they made more money because of it.

Recently, I was reminded why it’s a bad idea to bet when you’re wasted. If you’ll recall, New Girl recently told me that she knew my Lesbian Ex-Girlfriend - quite a coincidence. I said in that post that she invited me to a baseball game (the literal type), but that’s not exactly true. As it turns out, New Girl had plans to go to the game with her roommate, but the roommate bailed for undisclosed reasons.

(more…)

Coincidences. Some people claim that there is no such thing as a coincidence, that everything happens for a reason as part of a larger, master plan, which was obviously designed in an intelligent manner. All I know is what happened to me was weird and there is a word that covers it, so I’m just going to stick with Webster on this one and say that coincidences do happen. If they didn’t, there wouldn’t be a word for it.

Don’t worry, this won’t be a post about semantics, but about an actual, freaking weird, coincidence that happened to me. You may remember that I dated a lesbian. It was a somewhat awkward relationship, awkward for her because she was a lesbian and I was not a woman, and awkward for me because she was a lesbian, and I was still not a woman. That was my junior year of high school, fast forward 6 years to present day, minus 2 months.

My good Office Friend informs me that she is interviewing some new girl that will be helping her out a lot. The first question out of my mouth, of course, is, “Is she hot?” Unfortunately Office Friend hadn’t actually had the interview yet and all she knew about her was her name and the school she went to. Her last name is probably the most common last name in the entire country, so I figured my chances of actually finding her would be slim to none.

(more…)

Saturday was pretty standard as far as graduations go. Both my sister and my cousin, who were born two days apart, graduated, which meant that all of my grandparents got a lot of bang for their buck. One trip down to Virginia Beach and they knocked out the last two high school graduations they will probably every see.

The event was typical in that the grandparents were there and my mom was stressed out over getting everything ready, while I vehemently avoided all work and social interactions with anybody over 47. Look, I used to live with my grandma, the amount that she talked to me while I was staying there should last me a life time.

The graduation was also a pretty standard affair. I found out that my alma mater was apparently a very good school, ranking among the top 3% of all high schools in the country. The valedictorian had a GPA of over 4.64, while the salutatorians (there were two of them with the same GPA) had GPAs of over 4.5. Just so you can get some perspective, Virginia Beach has an adjusted grading scale, where a 93 is a B. In an AP class an A is weighted as a 5 where as in all other classes an A is weighted as a 4. That means that over half of the classes (including classes like PE) the valedictorian took were AP classes, and he of course got straight A’s.

I also found out that just because you have a high GPA, it doesn’t necessarily make you smart, you could just be extremely motivated. This was pointed out by the fact that both salutatorians gave absolutely awful speeches. I had to remind myself that they were only in high school, which makes them as smart as college freshman. The valedictorian, on the other hand, actually gave an excellent speech.

(more…)

This weekend was my little sister’s high school graduation; she went to the same school that my older sister and I went to. My older sister, who lives in the Keys came up to visit me in DC on Thursday, we were going to drive down on Friday for the ceremony on Saturday.

I worked all day Thursday and I got home only to discover that my sister’s flight had been delayed. This was not such a bad thing it gave me more time to clean up my place. However, I didn’t get it as clean as I wanted to because we had company. And of course when company comes over, we have to drink. We made plans to go out after I picked up Sara from the airport, I would bring a 2 liter bottle of soda and a flask of rum and we would meet my friends out.

I picked up Sara from the airport and we went over to a friend’s house to pregame some more before we went out. Sara did not drink any of the rum; it made me cry a little on the inside. When we got to my friend’s house, Jeff was already there so we all continued to drink. Eventually we made it to Ned Devine’s, aka, Ned’s, aka Not-Ned’s, aka Auld Shebeen.

By this point I am drunk, but not wasted, although you wouldn’t be able to tell by my demeanor. You see, there was another X-Factor involved tonight – I had just got offered that new job. Yup, it was going to be one of those types of nights.

(more…)

One year ago today I started blogging. At the time, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, I just thought it would be cool to document my cross country trip. Then I decided that it would be fun to upload what I had written to the Internet so that anybody watching at home would know just what sort of debacle I was getting myself into.

Originally, I had registered rbf2000.com through Microsoft for free, but it was very limited in what I could do. I had to edit HTML and upload new pages every time I wrote. I had to manually update the table of contents. It wasn’t too bad when I only had 10 posts or so, but it quickly go cumbersome. Coupled with the fact that people couldn’t just go to rbf2000.com to see my blog, I decided that a new website was in order.

I tried to find a central focus for what my blog would be about, and I noticed that up to that point, a lot of my posts had involved drinking. It’s not easy finding an empty domain name anymore, so when I found thedrunkenblog.com I was pretty excited. I registered it right then for two years. I then did some research and found there was a better way to blog, there were applications out there that would do everything for you. I am currently using wordpress, which does everything very nicely.

It is now a year since my original post, and about 6 months that this website has been alive. So, with that in mind, I thought I would try to round up some of the better posts of the over 150 that I have done in this past year.

(more…)

This weekend concludes the second of many concerts to come this summer. The first was WMZQfest. I had a great time there. This weekend it was Brooks and Dunn and Alan Jackson. If you’re not familiar with country music, I should inform you that it was actually two bands, not three. I actually had to ask somebody what bands we saw as I was writing this, that’s how much I was paying attention to the music.

I started the day off by driving back from the Dirty Jerz, as some so lovingly call it (nobody from NJ calls it that). I managed to do all 260 miles of the trip in 4 hours; my wallet was also $20 lighter after the tolls, but whatev! I got back to the condo at about 2:30. I showered and then I was right back out the door to meet up for the carpool to the concert.

I went to Michele’s house and Jeff and Jenny were already there. We loaded up the car with 1 empty cooler and we were off… to the store to pick up supplies. We went to Safeway and picked up beer, burgers, hotdogs, buns, and chips. The line this particular Sunday was atrocious. Apparently a lot of people like to shop on Sunday but nobody likes to work the check out.

(more…)

I don’t have anything to say about this.

I donated blood the other day for the first time. I’ve meant to do it earlier in my life, but something always seemed to come up. I remember a time when I was planning on donating at school, but then I got sick. Apparently they don’t want your sick blood. I did a little bit of research and found out that the average person has 4-6 liters of blood. I’m guessing that I’m closer to the 6 liter side. When they draw blood, they take about 450 milliliters, or almost half a liter. I had what’s called a “double red” done. That’s where they take out a bunch of blood, centrifuge out the red blood cells, and then put back everything else, twice.

The advantage of having a “double red” done is that you can give twice as much blood, since you get back everything except for the blood cells. The disadvantage is that you lose twice as many red blood cells (the things that carry the oxygen and nutrients to all of your cells). As I would soon discover, there are some side effects to giving a lot of blood.

(more…)

According to Dictionary.com, the word “flabbergasted” is defined “as if dumbstruck with astonishment and surprise.” This hilarious definition is exactly how I feel at the moment. The reason is the release of Paris Hilton from jail after just three days confinement. Ok, I know what you’re thinking. “C’mon, it was obvious she was going to get out early for some stupid reason or another.”

You’re right. We all knew it would happen. It’s not the fact that she’s been released or even the period of time she actually spent in the big house. What has me “dumbstruck with astonishment and surprise” is the purported reason she was released early. The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department said “medical considerations” were the reason she was released and placed on house arrest. However, it’s been reported that the “medical considerations” were that the heiress refused to eat the prison food. (more…)

Your face is like a tire -
I put chains on it to drive in the snow,
But I live in Florida.

Your face is like a booger -
I picked it from my nose,
and I ate it.

Your face is like a candy bar –
I left it in the car,
And it melted all over my seats.

Oh how I love your face.

Your face.

Sara, 6.1.07