The Drunken Blog

Read part 1 here.

As I mentioned before, Jeff was extremely irritated at high school kids. Luckily, he would only remember that he was upset when he actually saw high school kids. Unfortunately, they were everywhere. Eventually his hate subsided, due mostly to alcohol and its ability to make you forget what you were thinking.

After the grill incident, Jeff got a call from a girl. We tried to locate her; all the while I was trying to figure out who this mystery girl was. Her name didn’t ring a bell, and Jeff seemed unable to describe her. In fact, he didn’t really remember her either. In addition to this, we didn’t know where she was. We had a general idea of her whereabouts, but nothing concrete. I pointed out to Jeff that it might be hard to find this girl since we don’t know where she is and even if we did find her car, we wouldn’t be able to recognize her. Some random guy walking by agreed with me so we gave up on our search.

We did find another friend, though. Sweatpants was there, and she was definitely not wearing sweatpants today (although she was wearing pants). And I’m going to have to stick with my original assertion and say that she looks so much hotter without sweatpants on. She also had a couple of friends with her. Apparently I had been at one of the girls’ 21st birthday celebration, Jeff even bought her a shot, or so we were told.

We hung out with them for a little bit, and then we invited them back to our car (which was nearby) for a mixed drink. But not just a mixed drink like a rum and coke, no, this was a girl drink. We had purchased some frozen drink mix at the store and we also happened to have a blender with us, and of course there was ice in the cooler. Yes, we brought a blender to a tailgate. We probably would have been the hit of the entire parking lot if only we had liquor besides bourbon.

Jeff had purchased some bourbon so that he could make some mojitos in the morning for the pregame for the tailgate. And at the time of the mixing of the drink, that’s the only liquor we could find. He poured about half of the bottle into the blender and the result was atrocious. The girls still managed to swallow some down, if only so that they could say that had a margarita at a tailgate.Shortly thereafter we somehow came into the possession of 99 bananas. The girls poured their fruity concoctions back into the blender, we added in the 99 bananas, blended once more, and reserved the drinks. They were actually tolerable this time around. Apparently there was enough fruit in there to cover up even the most putrid of liquor combinations.

That was the end of the blender. It was a novelty for sure, but definitely a cool one (I guess that’s technically what a novelty item is…). We had another novelty item with us as well – the breathalyzer. We began blowing into it profusely. However, my breathalyzer needs to be calibrated every once in a while, and if a drunk person calibrates it, it sets that BAC as the baseline. This is what happened on that day. I have no clue what the baseline was, but the highest anybody was able to blow was a .07. I can assure you we were not OK to drive. After Jeff and I only blew a .07, we retired the breathalyzer. The highest anybody else blew was a .03.

Shortly after this the cops came around and said that we had to end our tailgate. Apparently the parking lot was closing. Since it was cops telling us this and not the security guards, we felt like maybe we should listen. We did not and stayed out in the parking lot for a couple more hours. We didn’t see the cops again, but I heard that the cops told some of my other friends there that if they saw them when they came around again they would be arrested.Several other friends of mine were given a hard time because they did not have a ticket with them as they were wandering around the parking lot. They were told that they were trespassing. I guess technically the parking lot is private property, but as far as trespassing goes, I know the venue has to specifically give consent if they want people removed from the premises. Somehow I don’t think that Nissan Pavilion gave the police a blanket order to remove “trespassers”.

At this point more friends of ours showed up, although I didn’t know most of them. But that didn’t stop us from playing some flip cup. We probably would have played beer pong except for the obvious lack of a ball. I’m actually not even sure where the table came from that we played flip cup on. It wouldn’t be the last object that mysteriously came into our possession that day.

One of the girls that was with the group that I didn’t really know was pretty fun. And when I say she was pretty fun I mean she was wasted. I’m not sure how this came up in conversation, but either she or I said that she should put a pack of cookies down her shirt. I do remember her saying that it was a bad idea because her boyfriend was watching. I found this to be somewhat humorous because I wasn’t hitting on her, I just wanted to see a girl stick things down her shirt. I guess she did it, because I have pictures of it.

I don’t think it’s as impressive as me putting cameras down my pants, but it’s a good start on her way to putting things in inappropriate places. The best part of me putting cameras down my pants is the fact that I never put my camera down my pants, only other people’s cameras. So I was somewhat excited when the battery died on my camera and Michele offered me hers to use for the rest of the day. In retrospect I probably should have just taken her battery since we have almost the same camera, but I took her entire camera. I know I took at least several pictures with the camera in my pants.

The next day Michele commented on my picture taking habits. I thought it was obvious that I take a ton of bad pictures. My philosophy is quality by quantity. Take a lot of pictures and some of them are going to come out well. After all, you can always delete a picture later, but you can’t recreate the picture after the event.

When I get to a certain stage of drunkenness I also start to take pictures of random people. Sometimes it’s pictures of people that I have started talking to, other times it’s people just walking by oblivious to the fact that I am photographing them. By the way, when I say “people” what I really mean is “girls”. The only time I will take a picture of random dudes is if the only way I can take pictures of random hot girls is with the dudes in the picture.

So what Michele thought were pictures of my friends that she just didn’t know were actually pictures of completely random people that I didn’t actually know. Some of them happened to be high school girls, some of them happened to be white trash, and some of them actually happened to be friends of mine.

I haven’t seen all of the pictures yet, but I’m sure my normal ratio exits; that being: 74% bad pictures, 24% decent pictures, and about 2% good pictures. And yet somehow I always take enough pictures to fill an entire facebook album (60 pictures) with decent pictures.

After about eight hours of tailgating and ten hours of drinking overall, we finally decided it was time to go into the show. Jeff had been trying to round people up for quite some time to go into the show, but nobody was particularly motivated. I mean, why leave the comfort of free beer at your car for $8 beer inside.

I grabbed two beers so thinking I could save myself $16. However, somehow between the trip from the car to the gate I managed to lose my ticket. For the entire tailgate I had the ticket in my back pocket, obviously an extremely safe place to keep the ticket. However, I got distracted when some of my friends stopped to arm wrestle and I think that’s when I lost my ticket. Before I lost my ticket, I tried to convince Michele to carry one of the beers for me. I was pretty sure that they would nab at least one of them; they also search guys more than they do girls.

She declined, and that’s when I realized that I was missing my ticket. I realized it because I attempted to put the second beer in my back pocket. The first beer was in the pocket of the hoody. I quickly ran back to the location of the arm wrestling and sure enough my ticket was there, relatively unscathed. I picked it up and doubled back to the front gate.

As I attempted to get through the gate I was being screened and they noticed the beer in my hoody pocket. I figured they would, that’s why I moved the second beer to my back pocket. The hoody beer would be a diversion for the other beer. When questioned about the lump in my hoody pocket, I told them it was just my breathalyzer. And I even pulled it out to prove it to them. I figured if I could get both beers in, I should. They were not fooled, however, and they made me hand over the beer. I thought I would be OK because I still had the other beer in my pocket. However, as I walked past, another screener spotted it. I couldn’t believe it; both of my beers had been confiscated. I guess I was lucky to get in at all at that point.

I guess it’s because I didn’t give them a hard time about it that they let me go in. I more or less played it off like I forgot that I had the beers on me at all, which is ludicrous, I mean my hoody was so tight I would need to be catatonic not to notice it. The same goes for the beer in my back pocket. Those aren’t things that you just forget about, especially when they are icy cold.

When we get there we go up to the lawn and find a spot to sit down. Since Jeff got ahead of us, I go to find him. I eventually find him after he calls me about 5 times and sends me 3 text messages asking where I am. Each time I give him the same response. The next day I found out that he didn’t even look at the text messages that stated my location. I’m not quite sure why he asked. After having found Jeff, I felt like I needed to do something else, I couldn’t just sit and listen to the music, I mean, that’s not why I came to the concert.

I decided I should find Kat and her friends. They actually had good seats (good being a relative term – I’m not quite sure why you would want seats at a concert like this), which restricted my ability to get to them. Eventually I found them as they were getting food. The crew that Kat was running with earlier had diminished to her and another girl. They apparently didn’t want to hang out with me and they walked back to their section after getting very overpriced food.

Luckily at this point I ran into Michele. She happened to be carrying a beer for Keller. I offered to help carry it for her. With the same spirit of the marked up prices for the beer, there was also a marked up carrying fee by me. My fee was that I could take a sip of beer whenever I wanted as long as the beer was in my possession. I walked with Michele back to the group; I didn’t exactly rush since I was able to drink the beer along the way. When we got back I had drunken about ¾ of the beer. Somehow Keller didn’t seem to mind, I think it’s because I didn’t really give her the beer, I let her take some sips out of it, but mostly kept it in my possession. Maybe she thought it was my beer.

Not content to sit and listen to the music, I quickly invented ways to entertain myself. There were two high school girls near us with whom I began chatting. I found out one of them was going to Radford, and I may have mentioned that it is the STD capital of the world, and I told her to be careful. Shortly thereafter Kat and her friend joined us in the lawn.

I made them dance with a friend of a friend’s brother (now my facebook friend) and possibly the only black guy in attendance. I shouldn’t say that though. Corey was definitely not the only black guy there, he was keeping track. The last count I heard was 3.5 black people including him. I’m not sure if that included the black cop that was there. At some point during the show Kat flashed a crowd of people. However, when I requested an encore I was denied. Although, I suppose to rightfully call it an encore I would have needed to see the main show, which I unfortunately missed.

The show was wrapping up, but before we left I noticed several important things. First I noticed a banner for WMZQ so I had everybody hold it up and I took a picture. It was too wet to take with us, but it would have been a nice souvenir. The next thing that I noticed was that I had an extra camera.

I was borrowing Michele’s camera, but I had an extra Sony camera in my possession. Karla had given it to me, and I had assumed it was hers. But soon I found out that she had her camera. I just figured it was somebody else’s camera, so I just held on to it.

Apparently what had happened was that Keller lost the case for her camera, or it was stolen. She was upset about this and let everybody know they should keep an eye out for a black camera case. Karla found a black camera case. It was a different brand, and it happened to have a camera inside of it, but it was a black camera case nonetheless. She gave took the camera out of the case and gave it to me, and then gave the camera case to Keller. I didn’t realize until the end of the night that this camera didn’t belong to anybody in our group.

The last thing that I noticed on the way out was a table cloth. I decided that this was too good to pass up. I picked it up and I put it on Jeff as we were walking out, just like a toga. I told him he should wear it as such, and he did. He was very confused the next day as to how he came in possession of a tablecloth.

The crowning event of the night was as we were walking out; they were handing out ice cream. What better way to pacify a bunch of drunken people than by giving them ice cream. I took three packs for some reason, and then I asked politely for a spoon. They told me that I could just use the top of the ice cream as a spoon. The top, however, was nothing more than a thin sheet of paper, not fit to be classified as flatware, regardless of its apparent flatness.

I ate it much the way one would eat gogurt. It was delicious.

As we were driving out, Jeff assured us that he knew a secret exit that would let us bypass the massive line in the parking lot. Being tired and still too drunk to question his navigation skills, we followed his directions. We had to do a bit of offroading but we found an exit that put us at the front of the line. The only problem was that there were large boulders blocking the path, probably just for this reason. I still say we could have fit through the boulders, but it wasn’t worth risking it. So we made a u-turn in the field and found the closest available spot where we could cut in line. We actually were still very close to the front of the line and saved ourselves about 40 minutes of just waiting in the parking lot.

As soon as Jeff was not needed for directions he passed out. It was actually pretty cute. He and Karla passed out leaning against each other, it was a classic romantic comedy pose.

When we got back to Michele’s house I was offered a couch. I politely declined and said I’d rather just drive home. At this point I was sober enough to make it back. Michele and I argued for about an hour over the matter. At one point I took the memory card to her camera hostage. However, she is a wily one and managed to trick me into giving me the memory card back to her. Eventually I got Jeff’s keys from her so I could drive home. I tried to get Jeff to come with me, but he was too passed out to get up from the couch.

I drove home without incident for a relatively full night’s sleep.

Other posts by Justin

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 8th, 2007 at 2:34 pm and is filed under good times, friends, oops, alcohol, girls, Corey . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.