The Drunken Blog

Making a drink the requires more than entire handle of a liquor that is so potent that you have to travel to another state where it’s not illegal just to procure it can only end in good times.

For a couple of years in college I was on a sign stealing kick. I recently gave away most of my stolen signs, which was pretty depressing. But during that period we somehow came into possession of a giant cooler that stores normally use. I’m pretty sure the roommate that nobody really liked stole it and gave it to us, much in the same way a dog will give the gift of a dead bird to its owners.

We had this cooler in our place for a while, so we decided we might as well get some use out of it. While it would be very easy to put ice in it and then fill it with beers, this seemed too amateur, we were too good for that. We decided a vat of jungle juice would be appropriate.

The normal recipe for jungle juice is fruit punch and vodka, but we wanted to do it up right. We got a handle and a liter of Everclear, which is 190 proof (95% alcohol). There is a warning on the label that says it could make you go blind (or maybe that’s just an urban legend). I still remember on my birthday doing a shot of Everclear and then following it up with a chaser that was a mixed drink that also had Everclear in it. Those were some bad times.

We put in 128 ounces of Hi-C fruit punch (2 64-ounce containers), 2 liters of ginger ale, and 94 ounces of Everclear. Normally a 2:1 alcohol to mixer is pretty strong when you use 80 proof liquor. When you use 190 proof liquor, it’s ridiculously strong. We cut up some fruit and tossed it in the mix; we threw in a ladle and stirred it all up. Two and a half gallons of extremely potent jungle juice, and probably the scariest part is the fact that you couldn’t even taste the alcohol in it; that’s pretty dangerous.

We couldn’t drink all of juice that day, so we put what was left into one of the Hi-C containers. Not surprisingly, people got sick from the juice. What is surprising is that it wasn’t from getting drunk. Apparently if you leave fruit sitting in a very alcoholic mix for some time, it goes bad. I always thought that alcohol killed all the germs that would make the fruit go bad, but then again, I think alcohol can do anything. So after about a week of sitting in the fridge, people got food poising from drinking our awesome concoction.

This was obviously God’s way of telling us that we should have drunken all of it on the first night.

The great thing about the juice was the fact that it was easily transportable.  We made the drink for Mason day, where they weren’t allowing alcoholic drinks.  We simply filled up water bottles with this stuff and the event staff didn’t care.  Of course, they also saw beers in my friend’s purse and just waved her through, so security was not exactly a huge deal.  The biggest problem was the fact that this stuff stained.  Luckily when you are drunk you don’t care about little details like that, especially when you are in on-campus housing.

I don’t particularly remember that specific day, most likely because that jungle juice is made to sprint, but drinking at Mason day is a marathon.  I’m pretty sure I made it through the day, but I make no guarantees, I could just be making (up) history.

Other posts by Justin

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 25th, 2007 at 8:01 am and is filed under alcohol . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.