The Drunken Blog

I feel as if this post is going to be the staple post for this blog. I am somewhat intoxicated - forgive me for typos and incoherent sentences /paragraphs /thoughts /ideas /words /etc. (apparently sober enough to drive home 30 miles, though), talking about an event that involved alcohol, and also lesbians. I don’t think I have had a more definitive post yet.

There is one deciding factor that makes a party great; one single thing that can make horrible party awesome, and at the same time make an awesome party. That thing, of course, is a potential prospect. Somebody that you feel that you have a chance to hook up with. Whether or not you actually hook up with this person is irrelevant, the fact that you think you might makes or breaks a party.

Since I am a guy, I only know how this works from a guys perspective. If there are any girls out there that read this and would like to chime in, or make a guest post please feel free. However, often times you will hear guys rating a party based on the guy-girl ratio. While I feel that this should not be the sole determinant of the worth of a party, I feel it plays an integral part. The reason for this is prospects. If you walk into a party, as a guy, and there is one girl, and three guys hitting on her, you are going to have a shitty time, because there is no chance you are going to hook up with said girl. Similarly, if you are the only guy at a party with all lesbians (i.e., real lesbians, not the ones you see on TV) you are not going to have a good time either.

Going to a party with fake lesbians is a different story, however. The reasoning for this is quite simple. First, hot girls (because fake lesbians are all hot, as opposed to real lesbians, which are generally ugly) making out is totally sweet, and even if they aren’t making out with you, it’s almost worth it to forgo some tongue hokey for an awesome show. And second of all, just because one girl is making out with another girl, that doesn’t mean that she can’t make out with you later – she is still a prospect because there is no guy hanging over her, only a girl, and fake lesbians never turn into real lesbians at parties, which means that she will be “up for grabs” later that night.

I will go over some different scenarios. I will start off with tonight’s scenario, which, from my experience, is unique.

I got a text message saying that I should come over at around 6pm, that’s fine, I was looking for something to do, and this was a gift put on my lap. I, being somewhat skeptical, ask who else will be there. I get a short list that consists of a couple of good friends of mine. Fair enough. I head out, and it’s the two hot girls, another dude that I don’t know that well, and myself. The ratio starts out well, and I have not only one prospect, but two, because both of these girls are very attractive. I’m not worried by this other guy, although maybe I should be.

We start drinking – or rather, I start drinking, the other 3 continue drinking. A little while later a good friend of mine shows up. Good friends don’t really count against the ratio because you are on the same team. Sometimes it is necessary to wingman for your friends, that would not be the case this night.

We begin playing card games involving drinking games. At this time it is important to notice that there are more guys than girls here, but I am still having a good time because I feel as if I still have a prospect.

There is a phone call, and good news – another girl is coming! I wasn’t worried about the ratio before, but now I’m happy, a third prospect! I haven’t seen this girl yet, but at this point I have been pounding beers, so it doesn’t really matter. What’s even better is that one of the prospects has been acting very friendly towards me. I can’t tell if it is just drunken friendliness, or actual flirtatious actions – it doesn’t matter, a prospect is a prospect.

A bit later the brother of one of the prospects shows up with a friend. I have met this brother a couple of times before, and he is a cool guy, except that one of the prospects (obviously not his sister) and him kind of have a thing for each other, as far as I can tell. And he brings over a friend. The friend is not a threat nfrom what I can tell. The brother is a problem, but I give up on that prospect because I don’t feel as if it is worth it to compete, especially when I have two prospects. And plus, there’s some saying that when you chase two rabbits, you catch none.

This however, is not a good game plan. Jeff’s idea of playing the rule of large numbers is a much better idea. Perhaps not in a situation with this (once you decide you are going to hook up with a girl, you can’t go off and flirt with another girl – girl ‘A’ will leave you), but overall good advice. The reason it is not a good idea is because ceding ground is a slippery slope. Once you give up on a girl, it becomes very easy to become complacent and give up on other girls. This has the potential to snowball out of control.

But what is done is done. On a side note, I would just like to mention that we were playing Kings Cup, and I made a rule that every time a curse word was mentioned, a significant article of clothing would have to be taken off. This is a great rule if you can get people to participate, unfortunately for us, the girls, who cursed the most, also took off the least clothing, even after constant hounding. Poor form.

Back to the story. We continued to play Kings Cup until the game just disintegrated. People could not keep it together. But that is neither here nor there. What is important to note is that another guy came over at this point, making the ratio 3-6. Not very good, but if you have a prospect, the numbers don’t matter, because it only takes one (or two, if you have an awesome night). Unfortunately for me, this newcomer stole the attention of my other prospect, leaving me with no prospects.

The icing on the cake was when the other (female) roommate came home. This girl is attractive, but she is a very “friendly” to a lot of guys (i.e., she is a big tease). So she comes back from the bar, presumably. She also brings in 3 guys with her. If you are keeping track at home, which I know you’re not, that makes the score 3-9 with no prospects. This party just went from fun to no fun at all. I just sort of stood there in awe as I reflected on what happened. I went from being one of the only guys there, to being lost in a sea of guys.

I had had enough, and when that last group of guys came I decided that leaving was worth the 45 minute drive back to my grandma’s house in a somewhat intoxicated state.

This party brings up a couple of good points. One of those points is that it doesn’t matter how well you do in the beginning of the party with a girl, it only matters who does the best last. In fact, I would go so far as to say you don’t want to be the first one at a party talking to a girl. That is a long time to keep a conversation going, not to mention at the beginning of the night you are both going to be sober. It is much easier to come in at the end of the night when both (consenting) parties are drunk, and just close the deal, stealing 3 hours of the first guys time.

Unless you are Rico Suave, it is difficult to come in a steal a girl at the last second. The art then, would be to know the perfect time to start a conversation with a girl. You can’t do it first thing, and you have to do it before the large group of guys that inexplicably shows up to every party arrives. You have to make that large group of guys think that this girl is already spoken for.

However, the party that I mentioned is only one possible scenario for a party with a lack of prospects. You could also have a party filled with a lot of attractive girls and still not have a prospect. There are many reasons for this. Maybe all of these girls are out of your league – it’s possible, maybe you need to step down to the minors if this is the case. It’s also possible that all of these girls have boyfriends, or maybe they all think you are gay. I mean, why else would you get invited to this party. Or maybe you just sort of showed up, and they all think you are creepy. The point is, if you can’t get your foot in the door with one of these girls, you are going to have a bad time.

If this is the case, even though you are going to be in a place filled with hot girls, you won’t have a prospect, and therefore, you will not have a good time.

However, the opposite could also be true. You could be at a party with all guys and one girl, but as long as you are the only girl to whom she is speaking, you have yourself a prospect and you will have yourself a good time. Just don’t let Rico come in and swoop the girl away from you.

While it is always safe to play the odds, like one might in Fuck the Dealer, the odds don’t always play out. Keep that in mind, and have a happy new year.

Other posts by Justin

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 31st, 2006 at 2:01 am and is filed under rant, crazy theories, observations, alcohol, girls, Jake, James, Bob, Karen . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.