The Drunken Blog

Everybody has seen Top Gun. I can scientifically prove that everybody has seen the movie. I took a sample survey. Now, when you do a sample survey each person represents a large number of people. I surveyed myself, and since my results were 100%, I extrapolate that to the entire population, and therefore, everybody has seen Top Gun. My point is simply that while the term “wingman” was most likely around before Top Gun came out, Top Gun made it a very popular phrase, and it has been for the last 20 years that it has been out. Plenty of time for people to understand and embrace the principals set forth in that epic film.

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It has recently come to my attention a very lucrative endeavor that would allow one with all the abilities that you possess to make a small fortune quite quickly. I am glad that this letter has found it’s way to you because you are truly unique. You possess all of the traits which are necessitated in order to make literally hundreds of dollars at a time. And the best part is, because you are as unique as you are, it will require virtually no effort on your part.When you learn of this amazing secret you will want to share it with your friends – that’s what we would expect of you, after all, you are an extremely generous and nice person – that’s one of the reasons we selected you, however, you’re friends may be frustrated because they do not posses the unique traits that you do, and will not be able to make as much money as you will soon be able to with as little effort as you will put into it.

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My dreams have literally been dashed. If you’ll recall I recently had a dream in which I scored a 166 on the LSAT, which would have put me in the 90th percentile or so for the test. With a score like that I could probably overcome my mediocre GPA (a 3.1) and get into a decent law school. However, my dream was not realized, and I found out on Friday night (who emails results out on a Friday night – it’s almost as if they want to ruin your weekend) that I scored a paltry 153. This put me into the 57th percentile. It’s kind of nice to know that I still did better than 57% of the people out there, with only ready1 chapter out of my LSAT study book thing. It kind of makes me wonder if I could have done better if I had actually read the entire book. I mean, there were parts of the LSAT that I had no clue were on there, and I think if I read the book, I might have known that questions like that would have been on the exam.But alas, what is done is done. I took the LSAT not necessarily to get into law school, but to see if it was a viable option. I didn’t really know if I wanted to go to law school, but I wasn’t sure if I could get in with my modest GPA. So I figured if I took the LSAT I would be able to see if going to law school would even be an option. Turns out, it’s not. That’s a bit depressing because I like to think that I can do anything I put my mind to, and maybe I could get into law school if I really tried, but it wouldn’t be a good law school, and I’ve heard that if you don’t get into a tier 1 law school, there’s almost no point to going to law school.

I explained my rationale to my mom, and she was still trying to convince me to try law school. I guess it’s a hard dream for her to give up, I mean she’s been saying that I should be a lawyer since I was like 5.

If you’ll remember, the other day I made a post about Jesus Fish and the people that have said fish are usually pricks. Well, apparently God read my blog when I said that because today, a mere two days later, the exact same thing happened with the exact same car. I could not believe it. I actually took a picture of it on my phone; you can’t tell anything other than the fact that it’s a red car…

Now, I don’t know what He’s saying about my social commentary. I mean, it could be that he agrees with me, and I should take this as a sign to put everybody that has a Jesus Fish on their car in his or her place. Or maybe he’s saying that I’m wrong, and I need to find Jesus, or else I’ll act like a prick. Or maybe he just wants me to watch déjà vu, I mean, I am a fan of Denzel Washington and all, but I wasn’t really planning on watching the movie. I’ve heard of people making deals with the devil, but Denzel is a pretty nice guy, he probably made a deal with God, and God is just upholding his end of the bargain. Or maybe it’s a new viral ad campaign for the movie, although I think if that was the case, a bumper sticker with Denzel’s face would probably be more effective than a Jesus Fish, unless they’re trying to say that Denzel is God… I mean, he’s a good actor and all, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s the Son of God.

Maybe He’s just trying to get my attention for more subtle sign signaling an event that will have even more importance than trying to get me to see déjà vu. I guess now that God has my attention, I should be on the look out for what he wants me to do with this information. I mean, anything could be a sign now. An old lady crossing the street - that could mean that I need to help euthanize old people for their journey from this life to the next. If I find a dollar on the ground, maybe I should play the lottery.

One nice thing, I have to say, about my job is that since I get here at around 8am each morning, there’s really no work for me to do (although, ironically, there is some today) so I have time to write on my blog, which is great, because I want to take a moment to talk about Jesus Fish and movie theaters.

No, they aren’t related.

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I’ve been at work for an entire week now. Things have changed pretty significantly in that I now have work to do sometimes. I still have a lot of down time, but if you look at my outlook calendar, one would wonder how I have any free time at all. I had to work last Saturday, and I have to work this coming Saturday as well. I’m not really a fan of this working on Saturday stuff. That’s why when I got a call from SRA saying they wanted to “reconnect” I got pretty excited. They called me on Friday sometime. I didn’t actually get the call, just the message. I gave them a call on Monday and spoke to the guy. Sadly, the job was for the same job for which I had previously interviewed; a call center job making $27k. He wasn’t too sure, and seemed a bit discombobulated. I told him if that was indeed what they had open, I was not interested, but if it’s anything else, I would be more than interested.I already am having fantasies of coming into work and saying to my boss, “hey, you know how you made me work those Saturdays? Well, I really don’t like working Saturdays, so I found a new job.” That would be pretty sweet. But seriously, one of the biggest reasons I took this new job was so that I wouldn’t work weekends. Supposedly, it is only temporary, but these things, from my experience, tend to be slippery slopes.

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Staring blankly into my screen, I think that’s what I’ve been doing for the past 15 minutes. I just realized I was doing it when my eyes started to hurt. I don’t really like the old fashioned CRT monitors. I guess I’m just a lowly research assistant, so I’m not entitled to a nice LCD monitor yet. Today has easily been my hardest day at work. Granted this is day two. But I had to figure out how to occupy my time for 8 hours. That’s a really long time to stay occupied. I mean, there is only so much you can do on the internet (I mean, only so much is appropriate for work).I got in today around 8:30. I had some training that I didn’t finish from yesterday, so I started off doing that. It took me about 20 minutes; it was supposed to take three hours. I was a little disappointed at the swiftness with which I finished the training – I was hoping it would kill more time than it did. I then finished all of the paperwork that I had. Health insurance, dental insurance, vision insurance, retirement plan, the whole 9 yards. It was a lot of fun. I even got to order my business cards. I wonder when they will come in?

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